Remembering

I bought my son a little plastic toy moose, hes 18 months old and seemed very pleased, I place the moose up on the stool in front of him. I turn to him and say "Theres your moose up on the ridge" then I say "Bang" and make the moose "fall" off the ridge. My son picks up the toy instantly looks at me waits for me to say Bang and when i do he pushes the moose over.

I hope this doesnt offend anyone, but this is what daddy would have done, my son will be taught that you eat what you shoot, I want him to be exposed as he would have been even if that mean i have to lay on the couch with a beer and pretend my son is the deer.

Bradley was an avid hunter, he lived to hunt (and in the off season fish). He dreamed of the days he would teach what he knew to his son and I am hell bent on raising our son as we had planned, exposures we had discussed. We want him to play soccer (its cheap, team oriented, and no 6am ice rink), we want him to be in boyscouts and camp and fish and boat, we want him to be exposed to deer hunting and deer shed hunting.

Greiving is all about remembering, it consumes you the memories of your loved one Flood you.

There is nothing you do that doesnt bring the memory of your lives together, things they said, things you said, places you went, their face their laugh their smiles, the way it felt when you touched them. The past the present the future its all there all the time. And you miss it.

There are days you can barely make yourself get out of bed, days you fall to your knees and feel your legs will never support you again, but then there it is again things they said, things you said, the past the present the future and it becomes your mission to remember. You get out of bed put one foot in front of the other and begin another day remembering.

And in by remembering you keep their spirits alive.

You may have noticed I still speak about our future plans before he passed, the goals we had as a family I still refer to us as us.... we had plans we had dreams and Im going to talk about them those were mine and Brads and they always will be, this is me remembering this is me passing on his legacy, this is me keeping his values and interests alive.

To those who have lost in this life.... go ahead and remember. Surround yourself with loved ones who will listen to you remember, and help you remember, even if it means you will be prompted to picture yourself laying on a couch with a beer while your son pretends to be a deer. Bang! Over he falls to the floor. why would i do that?

I remember him teling me how his dad would do that with him and his sister, he loved it, he was born a hunter, and because I remember how he couldnt wait for his young son to full out walk, because if he could walk.... our son could be a deer